I Know Your Pain

I'm getting ready for bed and was just thinking of all of the parents out there who are so deathly afraid for their kids tonight.  I want to say that I'm thinking of you and I know your pain, just as you know mine.  While things are going well here at the moment, it's been five years in the making.  And still, it's scary because the horrible past is still so close at hand. 

Like you, I doubt that anyone can know the pain of a parent who's child is addicted to heroin except another parent in that position.  I am appalled when I hear the statistics of kids who are in middle school and high school trying it and becoming addicted.  I wonder what kind of world we're living in when something like this even exists. 

I don't have any answers to any of it.  It's still hard to wrap my mind around.  To me, heroin was something that the Rolling Stones did.  I never thought it was something that was in my town or my neighborhood, much less my house.  It was supposed to be expensive and out of reach of the average person.  You know, though, and I know that that is not the reality.

Fortunately, in my community, it's getting a lot of attention.  There are feature stories in the newspaper and on the news.  The media here is trying to make parents aware.  I was totally blindsided by this.  I never even saw it coming.  I always worried about my son and imagined who knows what might befall him, but one thing that never crossed my mind was heroin.  It's still hard for me to even say the word sometimes.

I'll never forget the first time he told me he'd been doing it.  He told me he did it every few weeks, etc.  It was a lie, of course, but I didn't know the truth and I didn't understand like I understand now.  I'll never forget how sick I felt.  It was like someone had punched me in the stomach.  He just seemed so vulnerable.  I sat up half the night that night in the living room, not far from his bedroom door.  I was just so terrified and wanted to protect him.  It might have been five years ago, but in my memory, it's just like yesterday.

At any rate, everyone's path is different and how I've handled all of this is probably different than how you will.  On the other hand, I bet most parents of kids on heroin do a lot of the same things.  We're all groping through the dark, scared, hopeful, looking for answers and praying for miracles.  Tonight, I'm thinking of all of you.